I never thought I would serve a full time mission.
I made ALOT of mistakes in my early adulthood, so when any type of desire to really step up and prepare for a mission developed, they were quickly overshadowed with feelings of inadequacy due to my past.
When I was 22 with the help of leaders who wouldn't give up on me and a huge push from heaven, I found myself as out in the mission field doing the Lords work.
The Atonement of God's only begotten became so real to me. I could actually feel it work, and the power that comes from truly using it to overcome past mistakes and challenges. It became the most precious thing to me. So precious that I wanted to actually tell EVERYONE about it. I also felt this tremendous obligation to please the Lord, and bring as many children that I could to the fullness of His gospel.
Looking back I actually feel like I did everything I could to fulfill my expectation as a missionary, but yet and I still faced failure. People that promised to read didn't. People who said we could meet didn't show up. There were even people who looked me in the eyes, and testified by the spirit, that they knew what they were taught was true, that didn't end up getting baptized.
Failure is super hard to deal with. Especially when you've done all you can.
My mission president addressed this in the most perfect way.
He asked us ....