I went to Hawaii to fight my anxiety head on.
My plan was to simply be "around" all the places that my ex and I had been without actually having to see them. You can call it coincidence, fate, or Divine intervention, but without me independently choosing to go there, I somehow found myself passing almost everywhere we had made a memory.
One night my cousin asked me to drive her truck and drop something off at a friends. And After I dropped it off I found my driving by and staring directly at 444 pau st (the apartment we stayed at). I'm not gonna lie I had a mini panic attack. To make matters worse when I was almost back to my cousins she called me and told me that her friend needed his glasses that were left in the car.
You know when you are driving up to an accident, like a terrible one, and you think "don't look" "don't look" but we all know you look. Same thing. I knew not to look at that house. But I did anyway, and felt repeat reaction, the same heart wrenching pain. I can't tell you how many times I swore out loud in Russian this week.
But this is all good. This is growth. We can fight it and stay stagnant, or embrace what's happened and move on. I'll take the later.
Almost every day I went on a run around honolulu. I found it incredibly therapeutic to take photos. So now I share them with you....