The D Word

Sunday, October 20, 2013




Im gonna say it.

The D word.

Are you ready?

 . . . . Divorce (whisper voice)



Now before you throw your hands in the air and block this site from your children and your children's children . . . give me a chance.

The reason why I bring it up is because lately its been happening all around me. I feel like an equal number of people in my circle of influence are either getting married or calling it quits.

And for someone, like me, who is about to "tie the knot" I cant help but ponder over the what ifs and unknowns that lie ahead.

My parents got divorced when I was 4 and I honestly, I cant remember a time when they were together. To this day I still don't understand the events that led to the split. My father has always explained that it was extremely difficult, almost impossible, to live with her; while my mother proceeded to paint my fragile mind with graphic and disturbing images of the so called "sick and abusive" things my father had done. This was coming from the woman who grabbed my head and slammed it against a table, causing my nose to bleed out profusely when I was 9. Why would she do that you ask?  . . . . Because I didn't want eat eggplant. When I grew older I realized that my mother wasn't someone I wanted to trust as a reliable source.

Either way I am extremely empathetic to the children who deal with divorce. If you do have children and are deciding to make this decision . . Fine, but I beg you . . . speak nothing but kind things about your ex-spouse. Hold them in the highest regards. Divorce already does life-shattering irreversible damage to a child's mind. If you're choosing to describe your former partner in any negative light, all you are doing is making it harder on them when they grow up and have to develop lasting relationships.

For me divorce was just part of life and I had to adjust accordingly, however I'm positive I had a far from ideal situation.

Yesterday I had a fun-filled day with the woman I love to love. The future Alex Gimmelovin Curran.
We went to Bed Bath and Beyond to scan a bunch of expensive items I would never buy myself, but apparently because we are choosing to get married other people are going to buy them for us? #jackpot
Afterwards we hit one of our spots, In and out, for burgers and fries, and a "how are we doing?" conversation emerged.



somehow a debate occurred on my instagram about
#inandout vs. #fiveguys 
which one do you prefer?

And although things are great most of the time Alex and I have our struggles. At first I'm sure it scared the living crap out of her since we called off our August 31st wedding, but I wanted to be clear with her how I felt about that D word.

I wanted to be clear to her and to anyone out there that I do condone divorce, as does my faith, in certain situations. The obvious being infidelity and spousal or child abuse. I also feel strongly that no person should have to be miserable for an extended period of time. Because of the serious commitment we make to our spouse in the temple, we owe it to them, to ourselves, and to our Heavenly Father to give marriage EVERYTHING we got. And I mean everything. Give all your Heart might mind and Strength till you have nothing left to make it work.

I believe so strongly in my heart that if both husband and wife are doing this for each other, true Bliss is around the corner. The unfortunate thing is that in most cases, and in 99% of the cases of divorce among my friends 1 of the 2 were not willing to give everything they had. When this happens both involved become even more miserable and unfortunately Divorce results.

I'm Scared, Happy, Nervous, and Excited to start this journey in the Salt Lake Temple Dec, 14th. With some Faith and Diligence I'm confident Alex and I will reach the end of our Earthly road together holding hands.


P.S. Mimi Knowles and I have already recorded the funniest parody song you will ever hear, and are filming the funniest parody video you will ever see. Two words .... "My Skittles" Stay on the look out.

16 comments:

  1. Hey Brandt: I am shocked that at your age you have so many friends getting divorced. I am glad you are getting your feelings out FINALLY. Just know that you were told some things that were NOT true about your father. I don't want to say anything negative but know that you were definitely lied to. If your dad and I knew things were as bad as they apparently were, we would have done something to get you and your brother out of that situation. Everything would have been different then. I am sorry for all your pain. Never get divorced! It is not an option unless there is abuse or infidelity as you said. Your friends should be reconsidering because being sealed in the temple is forever except in rare extreme cases, which unfortunately happened with your parents, but not the way you think, sadly. Keep blogging and hang in there!

    Tammy, the not so anonymous stepmom

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    1. I guess if things are not true, the perpetrator should not have testified to them in court and have another witness corroborate that fact. Courts produce transcripts of testimony. Also, videotapes that are viewed by federal and state-level (provincial) police are also proof, albeit of an entirely different violent type of behavior. Because of the testimony given in court (twice) by the perpetrator himself, no court would have ever granted custody. You pressed charges against the person who writes this blog. And why wasn't the writer of this blog as a child allowed to go to the floor where you and your family slept?

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  2. ^^ #atleastoneannoyingcommentwitheverypost

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  3. Finally, a mormon talks about something real and doesn't try to bury it under the rug. Welcome to the real world!

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    1. And he's being sued for libel. Yes, it's the real world.

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    2. I wasn't aware that I was being sued. In order for a case of Libel to be successful I would have needed to write something False. Could you help me understand what I have reported inaccurately?

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    3. Wow. The wedding date is getting close. Time is flying and we are looking forward to seeing you and Alex being sealed in the temple. I am glad you are such a fine young man and that you are able to go forward now with your life in such a positive way. I really need to get an account but it is easy to respond to you as anonymous. Tammy

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  9. Brandt honey maybe it is time to shut your blog down. This is not what you intended. This is just some loving motherly advice. Your blog was meant to be fun and tell about your life, it has turned tainted and filled with some not so kind things. Love you and look forward to seeing you - Tammy

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  10. Shut it down, make it private, or change language so that you are not accusing people of a crime. The law says that accusing someone of a crime presumes injury and therefore, you are liable. After spending time in jail, you may not think it's a big deal to accuse someone of a crime, but it is. If you can't even remember being court ordered for certain treatment and meeting with a certain psychologist, even though there are copies of his diagnosis and reports.

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  11. Hey James, thanks for your honesty about divorce, and sharing your story! I went through a similar childhood and it was definitely rough. Glad to know another religious person out there had a unique upbringing but is still faithful. Marriage is the best and hardest thing I have ever done, and totally worth it!

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